‘There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.’

Maya Angelou

Congratulations Tiffany!

Totally Fine (And Other Lies I've Told Myself): What my decade in grief taught me about life

by Tiffany Philippou

March 2022

Stylist’s Must Read Book for 2022

Evening Standard’s Faces to Watch in 2022

Tiffany writes:
Do you have a story that you are scared to tell? A story that you’ve spent your life trying to escape. I’m going to tell you mine.

One day, in the summer of 2008, I was travelling back to London when I received a phone call that suddenly changed everything. I was told my boyfriend Richard was in hospital. He died seven days later. I spent most of my twenties pretending this never happened.

I was trapped within my own silence, left alone to absorb the discomfort, blame and judgement of others that I felt after Richard’s suicide. I was suffering, but telling everyone that I was totally fine. The shame consumed me and I desperately wanted to find love again, but the rejection and heartbreak that followed proved to me, yet again, that I wasn’t worthy of love and belonging.

In our twenties, we are thrown into the adult world without a guidebook. I experienced a turbulent decade with what felt like catastrophic failures. Then one day, I started to speak about my shame, and once I started, I couldn’t stop. And I’ve come to realise that shame is like a monster – one that can grow so large that it can hold us back from a life worth living. And that it is only by sharing our stories that we can give a voice to what is unspoken. A voice to the stories that we don’t want to tell.

So whatever pain you’re holding on to, whatever story you’re scared to tell, I’m writing this for you.

Memoir course attendees’ success

“

”I wrote the first chapter of my memoir while I was being taught by Anna and now my memoir is being published this year. Anna's encouragement and supportive feedback inspired me to keep writing and she also taught me a lot about considering ethics and all the tougher parts of memoir writing that are often overlooked. I really appreciate everything Anna's done for me and my memoir wouldn't exist without her teaching. Thank you!”

Tiffany Philippou, author of Totally Fine (And Other Lies I've Told Myself): What my decade in grief taught me about life (published March 2022), and co-host of podcast Is This Working?

Anna Derrig is simply an exceptional teacher. I began writing what was to become “Birdie” while taking her short memoir course at Goldsmiths. Anna's class provided me with a space to think about deeply personal history and difficult themes, and her encouragement gave me the confidence to think that my story was worth telling. She is obviously very knowledgeable about the ethics of writing a memoir - but more importantly she genuinely believes all of her students have something important to say. Taking her class was the start of wonderful things for me as a writer, and I am indebted to her.”

Lorelei Goulding, Winner Spread The Word/Goldsmiths Life Writing Prize 2020.

“Attending Anna Derrig’s Memoir and Life Writing course motivated me to put more time and thought into my writing. She immersed us in the power of life writing as a genre and as a process. She facilitates sharing and listening amongst her students that lifts up the uniqueness of each voice and journey. I emerged from the course with a solid sense that my story is important and that I should take concrete steps to write it.”

Carla Montemayor, STW London Writers Awards narrative non-fiction winner 2021, and on the shortlist of three for the STW/Goldsmiths Life Writing Prize 2020

“I highly recommend this four week life writing course. Anna is a warm and encouraging teacher, and creates a generous and respectful atmosphere which makes sharing personal pieces of writing so much easier. There were inventive exercises to stimulate our creativity, as well as a fascinating delve into the topic of ethics in life writing. Most importantly, I came away with the belief that I had a story to tell. I wrote a piece on this course that went on to be published, and I can honestly say that if it hadn’t been for Anna’s encouragement, I would not have thought of submitting it for publication.”

  Sue Hann, Longlist of six for the STW/Goldsmiths Life Writing Prize 2020 and London Writers Awards winner 2020.

Memoir and life writing courses and consultancy

We all have a story to tell. I can teach you how to write it.

My name is Anna Derrig. I teach my memoir and life writing courses based on a decade of research, teaching privately and at Goldsmiths, University of London.

I have spoken on BBC Radio 4 – Four Thought, Other People’s Stories and The Digital Human and at international conferences about my PhD topic and book proposal: ethics, consent and life writing.

My next memoir/life writing course will be on Zoom.

Five Saturdays: Dates tbc from 10.30am - 3pm (incl 30 mins lunch break).

Cost tbc

Max ten participants.

To contact me about private courses, mentoring and consultancy, please email annaderrig@gmail.com.

About my courses

Memoirs enable us to examine and articulate the memorable moments and events of our lives. Through writing and constructive feedback, in my courses we explore how to give form and shape to your major stories and turning points.

The writing of your story can be cathartic, joyful or simply words well-written for public or personal benefit. Through inspiring and engaging workshops, we will explore how you can write your untold stories. You’ll learn more about yourself while practising the creative techniques of fiction to frame your life story – from structure to voice and dialogue.

We will also discuss how to write about others ethically, ideally with the consent of your subject(s). You’ll hear about the latest trends in memoir publishing and study contemporary writers such as Sigrid Rausing, Terese Marie Mailhot and Karl Ove Knausgaard. You will also learn how to read as a writer and to give and receive constructive criticism. You will be writing and reading between classes, when you will receive feedback from the tutor and the group.

In small supportive sessions, we form a tight-knit group, exploring the nuances of life writing as a genre, examining the ethical implications, and gaining an understanding of the contemporary field.

Course Structure

Typically, my memoir and life writing course runs one full day each week for four consecutive weeks when I can teach in person. Online the course will run for five consecutive Saturdays for a shorter period.

The following in person course structure has served well for most people who have taken the course. The online structure will follow this outline, but over five weeks.

Week 1 - Introductions

In our first workshop we’ll begin by getting to know the group, outlining the structure of the course and the expectations. We’ll explore learning to listen actively, how to build your confidence, as well how to access your imagination. We will also discuss the reading listing and how you can read like a writer.

Week 2 - Creative styles - writing and re-writing. Life writing and ethics

This week will examine different creative styles. There will be student readings and feedback (for this and the next two weeks), a writing exercise and we’ll focus on the skill of writing as re-writing. We will also explore life writing as a genre with its particular ethical implications.

Week 3 - Structure, voice and voices. Point of view.

We will look at recently published books and how contemporary authors frame their stories. We will explore your voice and other voices , using writing exercises to practice  different points of view.

Week 4 - Memory, truth and recall. Life mapping.

In our final session, we’ll explore the lines between memoir and fiction – asking to what extent we can fictionalise a story without losing the essence of memoir. We will also reflect on our own lives through a life mapping exercise, as well as questioning the pros and cons of publishing and looking at the contemporary market for memoirs.

What you’ll learn

We will form a strong group bond in which our individual writing can flourish. Group participation provides an atmosphere in which listening to and learning from others is integral. Within this mutually-supportive writing community, anything shared within the group is confidential. We’ll explore how to give non-judgmental, analytical feedback on the writing, not the writer.

We’ll use a variety of techniques to get you started: writing exercises, group feedback, group and pair work, informal discussions, lecture-led discussion, reading lists, whiteboard and powerpoint activities and online resources, where appropriate.

The course is adapted each term to meet your diverse needs as writers. You’ll come away with writing to work on for yourself, whether you want to build a portfolio for further study, enter competitions, or develop ideas as a foundation for a short or longer memoir.

Why Study this Course?

Learn more about memoir and life writing as a genre, including the current trends within the field

Become part of a vibrant and diverse community of writers

Understand how to read like a writer and write like you’ve never written before

Develop your self-awareness and self-evaluation as a writer, through listening to and giving constructive feedback on writing

Find out more about publishing and trends in creative nonfiction

Develop your awareness and critical understanding of the ethical issues surrounding memoir and life writing

Consolidate your learning with peer feedback on your own and others’ writing

At the end of this course you will have:

Increased confidence in and understanding of yourself as a writer

A piece of writing you can work on for your memoir and to apply for competitions, other courses and for personal satisfaction

The ability to practice a range of life writing skills and styles, as well as feedback on your writing from a range of viewpoints

An awareness of the pitfalls and opportunities of an ethical approach

Knowledge of contemporary memoirs, current life writing trends and the changing nature of life writing

News

If you would like to attend my 2022 privately-run memoir and life writing Zoom course with a maximum of ten students, please contact me at annaderrig@gmail.com

5 Saturdays

Dates to be confirmed

10.30am - 3pm

Did I Say That Out Loud ?

Fi Glover and Jane Garvey’s book published Sept 2021.

Award-winning broadcasters Fi Glover and Jane Garvey don't claim to have all the answers (what was the question?), but in these hilarious and perceptive essays they take modern life by its elasticated waist and give it a brisk going over with a stiff brush…

Did I Say That Out Loud? covers essential life skills (never buy an acrylic jumper, always decline the offer of a limoncello), ponders the prudence of orgasm merchandise and suggests the disconcerting possibility that Christmas is a hereditary disease, passed down the maternal line. 

At a time of constant uncertainty, what we all need is the wisdom of two women who haven't got a clue what's going on either.

Publisher: Orion Publishing Co 

GUARDIAN 2021

Experience: I escaped an Arctic wildfire

We put down our sleeping bags to wait it out but within minutes the smoke had engulfed us.

Peter Watson

Fri 22 Oct 2021 10.00 BST

In 2014, my partner, Kia, and I left our jobs and went on a round-the‑world trip. I then carved out a career in travel writing and photography. The Arctic Circle trail had been on my bucket list for 10 years. I’d done high-altitude treks in Nepal and Pakistan, and relaxed day-hiking in Yorkshire, where I live. I love the outdoors and escaping into a simple routine of food, water and sleep.

In July 2019, I had two weeks to spare, so I booked the trip. I travelled 2,000 miles to west Greenland to see the 100 glacial lakes, tundra greenery and wilderness with moraine left behind by glaciers. Greenlanders spend weeks out there fishing and hunting, but this trek takes about 10 days. The 100-mile trail is one of the longest signposted and least trekked trails in Greenland. You’re guided by red circles painted on stones and on the eight huts dotted across the trail.

Greenland is 80% ice sheet, but the trail is in the ice-free 20% in the summer, when there’s 24-hour daylight.

It was swelteringly hot, with brilliant sunshine, so I was drenched in factor 50 sunscreen. Sometimes it was cloudy with a kind of twilight about 7pm, when the sun is closest to setting but doesn’t.

There are no trees, which I found quite strange – mostly low bushes and brush, and domed mountains, like the Scottish Highlands but higher. The trail weaves through rocky valleys and small rivers. I’d never encountered such pure wilderness.

I’d prepared carefully. I was carrying all my food, maps, medical kit, satellite phone and equipment. I know, because of my travelling, I’m part of the problem when it comes to the climate crisis, so I try to leave no waste behind, follow a plant-based diet and carbon offset when I can. I stayed in locally run campsites, free huts and hostels. I even packed my thickest waterproofs. Wildfire never even crossed my mind: it wasn’t California, after all.

A helicopter ride had been on my adventuring bucket list, but not like this

By the seventh day of the trek, I was ahead of schedule and in a lush, green area between two huge, still lakes that reflected the mountains, cloudless blue sky and bright red huts. I stopped often, taking photos. I was heading for the next overnight hut and thinking about sleeping in a nice hotel at the end of the trail. It was so hot that I had my scarf tied bandana-style under my cap to keep the sweat from my eyes.

At about 3pm, I spotted wispy smoke ahead. Then I met two American hikers coming from that direction. They said a tiny peat fire had broken out. Completely unconcerned by what looked like the remnants of a small fire a couple of miles away, I carried on. The smoke got a bit thicker, but I didn’t think I’d need to deviate.

Then I bumped into a young hiker, going the same way, who was nervous as he couldn’t see the next hut through the now-thick white smoke. We put down our sleeping bags to wait it out but within minutes the smoke had engulfed us. Sweating and exhausted, we climbed a ridge, finding a plateau with a lake. Below, the valley we had just been in was blanketed in silvery-grey smoke. I’d never seen anything like it. We pulled our scarves over our mouths to stop the taste of a bonfire in our throats. It was early evening but it wasn’t going to get dark. We walked across the plateau for an hour and a half, took water from the lake, and saw that the next valley was also impassable.

We were in trouble. We tried to pitch our tents but within 15 minutes we were coughing uncontrollably, and thought we might not wake up again if we stayed. We both had GPS locator phones, so we hit the red button to send our location to the emergency services. It was a blow to my pride to ask for my first-ever evacuation. We quickly got pinged that a Joint Arctic Command helicopter would be with us within the hour – a helicopter ride had also been on my adventuring bucket list, but not like this. We picked up two more stranded hikers on the way back.

Rather than being put off by the experience, though, the next day I went back out there and started another solo trek on a glacier.

I later learned that the dry Arctic was perfect for zombie peat fires, in which a fire burns underground, smouldering for months under the ice. There’s no real rain during the summer, only some snow, and I had gone there in one of the driest summers on record. There’s no denying the environment in Greenland is changing. This is currently the only ice-free trail throughout the summer, but in a decade there may be more trails with less ice, and more severe and frequent fires that burn for longer.

 As told to Anna Derrig

Experience: I was pregnant at the same time as my partner

The first three months were torrid. Kathleen would be sick in the morning, and I’d be sick in the afternoon

Sheelagh Stewart

Fri 2 Jul 2021 10.00 BST

I met my partner, Kathleen, when we were both aid workers in Zimbabwe, when I was 28. I liked her politics and her blue eyes. Four years later, in 1993, my family lost a generation when my beloved niece, Lucy, was killed in a car crash. Like many lesbian couples in the 90s, Kathleen and I had discussed having children, but this crushing loss changed the conversation: I was 34 and she was 36, and it turned from something we chatted about to something we needed to do. Section 28 (a law banning the promotion of homosexuality) was still around, with its clear message that our love should be discouraged, and the hurdles seemed insurmountable. We had wombs to spare, but no sperm.

Our GP explained that while heterosexual couples have only to prove one of them is infertile to get treatment, lesbians didn’t qualify. We looked into private fertility clinics but they charged too much, so we drew up a very short shortlist of potential donors.

Asking someone to father a child for another family was an intimate and complex decision. It turned out a straight couple we’d known for a while, who lived nearby, were willing to help. We both wanted to have children, by the same father, and John agreed to be our donor and to be involved after the births as a solid male role model.

Kathleen was going to try first. During her fertile periods, John would deliver after work. On fertile weekends he delivered twice daily. It was awkward the first few times, but then it became routine. We’d have clean jam jars ready to exchange when he knocked on our door.

We started out with ideas of post-insemination sex to ensure an atmosphere of love, but the reality was messy and off-putting: lying on your back with your legs in the air, trying to make a ski slope for sperm. I remember being distracted by Jon Snow on Channel 4 News.

We both thought conception would be easy, but it was a rollercoaster of anticipation and disappointment. It was also tough for John, producing sperm to order. One night the police stopped him on suspicion of being a drug dealer but wished him good luck after he revealed the contents of the jar.

After a year without success, Kathleen was ready to give up and said I should try or we might never have a baby. She had her last shot during her June fertile period, and I started a week later.

Three weeks later, Kathleen missed her period and did a pregnancy test, expecting to be disappointed. But it was positive. We stared, mesmerised, at the blue cross. Then we tried six more tests – all positive. We were finally pregnant.

At the same time, my breasts were feeling achey, but I thought surely it couldn’t happen now. Two weeks later, I did a test: we were pregnant again. When we saw the blue line, we whooped. The Earth tipped slightly on its axis. We were delighted but worried about how we’d manage.

The first three months of our pregnancies were torrid: Kathleen was sick in the morning, and I was sick in the afternoon. Then it was rather wonderful. We used to spoon at night with a baby kicking at the back and a baby kicking at the front.

I was only 10 days shy of my own due date when Kathleen’s waters broke and we rushed to the hospital with our bag full of soothing music, energy food and spare pillows. The staff thoughtfully brought in a mattress for me to stay with her. After three days, she had an emergency caesarean, with me in the theatre when our daughter was born. When the baby cried for the first time, my milk flooded in, staining my shirt. Kathleen and our daughter, Ruth, left the hospital a week before I had my own emergency caesarean with our son, Sean.

After that, having children, for us, was much the same as for anyone else. They smashed into our lives, blew them apart and we rebuilt around them.

I’m irritated when people imply the child I gave birth to is my “real” child. We called ourselves Mummy Sheelagh and Mummy Kathleen, but the kids soon ditched “Mummy” and just called us by our names. There were a couple of issues at school with family tree exercises, which assumed a mum and a dad, but I think it became a badge of pride for them. They’re 25 now and they get on very well. They’ve always known who the donor is, and that if there had been a crisis, he would have helped. We’re all still friends.

 As told to Anna Derrig

Alexis Keir will publish his memoir in eBook, audio and print in 2023.

Nina Winters has acquired World rights for ‘a tender and beautifully written memoir’ by debut author Alexis Keir, a participant of the London Writers Awards Programme run by Spread the Word and The London Library’s Emerging Writers scheme. Winters said this memoir, ‘takes us into the heart of a Black British family and their journeys between Saint Vincent and the UK in search of home. Alexis ties the history of his family and others from these islands together, finding a thread of love, loss and search for belonging that connects them across generations.’

Alexis grew up in Luton, a town with a strong presence and history of migrant communities. He spent a year in the Caribbean as a child and returns there regularly. His experiences living in New Zealand, including encounters with Māori communities, inspired him to explore the stories of his own family more deeply. His non-fiction essays have been published by The Selkie and the Caribbean Writer.

#La Soufrière

Writers for Saint Vincent held a special event online on Saturday 24 April , 2021 raising funds for the UK-SVG combined response to La Soufrière eruption.

Spread the Word supported the event, which was co-organised by one of their London Writers Awards alumni, Alexis Keir, whose writing is deeply rooted in and inspired by his Vincentian heritage.

Alexis writes:

Writers for Saint Vincent held an evening of readings on 24th April to raise funds for the relief and recovery of the island following the devastation caused by a succession of volcanic eruptions. We are hugely grateful for the help and encouragement that Anna Derrig gave to help us plan and share the news about the event and to raise the profile of writers on and from the island.

The people of Saint Vincent are dealing with a crisis. But they and their family and friends around the world are not defined or limited by the problems they face. They are standing up to and responding to them. Ticket sales from  Writers for Saint Vincent directly raised £2.3K for the island's recovery – the actual amount raised is more than £3K when we take into account the large amount of other donations it inspired that we know about. There will be many more that were not flagged to us.

That all flowed from the love, talent and inspiration flowing from this small, beautiful and strong Caribbean island. In no particular order these are the people who came back to help the place their ancestry, spirit and history has flowed from, in its hour of need - they were each and every one of them amazing: Denise Roxanne Stapleton,  Michael McMillan, Cecil Browne,  H Nigel Thomas, Lafleur Cockburn, Keisha Phillips, Jacinth Browne-Howard, Janielle Browne, Grace Clarke, Colin Grant, Alexis Keir, Denise Westfield, Peggy Carr, Natasha Marks, Hazell McKenzie, Philip Nanton, Lynda Ursula Bailey, Garbette Garraway

The event featured prominently the contribution of a group of Vincentian women writers called The Nucleus – their work can be found here  https://www.facebook.com/vincywriters  or on Instagram at @vincywriters

It's not over. In some ways the task of recovery for the country of Saint Vincent is only just beginning. The eruptions many have quietened (but not stopped - La Soufriere is still venting ash and at a Red Alert level), the ashfall clean-up in the areas furthest away from the volcano may be progressing. But over 13 thousand people are displaced from their homes in shelters or with other families and have no prospect of habitable accommodation to go back to for weeks if not months.

10 people each making a donation of £10 to the UK-SVG Friendship Trust Fund https://gofund.me/90dbdc94 (run in partnership with the SVG High Commission in the UK) means £100 which will pack even more of a punch in Saint Vincent than it would here in terms of buying dried food or sanitary products for girls and women in the shelters or PPE or repairing crashed down galvanised roofing and guttering or protective gear for clean-up workers. It will make a difference. It will rebuild a nation.’.

Published 1, May 2021

Mentoring 2021-22

Working with Anna to consider issues of consent and ethics in my life writing has been so powerfully helpful for me. I still feel so new to the process of sharing and shaping my work especially when it touches and includes the lives of others – Anna has been a wonderful and supportive guide, helping me to reflect on the choices available to me and how I might communicate with the people in my writing about their inclusion. And our conversations although a source of so any valuable references, sources and contacts have also been purely warm and enjoyable. I have been able to talk about my stories with Anna in the same way that I wrote them – with empathy and deep connection.  I thank my lucky stars that I was introduced to Anna at this point in my writing journey.

Telling your story

To help you write your story, I can offer a number of options.
There is information above for my teaching at Goldsmiths. (Information subject to change at the discretion of Goldsmiths).

Contact me directly about private sessions, writing courses, speaking engagements, and consultations on the ethics of memoir and life writing. There is a contact form on this website, or you can email annaderrig@gmail.com.

My work

Academic qualifications

• Postgraduate Research Associate (Goldsmiths)

• PhD Creative and Life writing (Goldsmiths)

• Fellow of the Higher Education Authority

• Postgraduate certificate in learning and management in higher education (Goldsmiths)

• Academic Practice Award (Goldsmiths)

• MA Journalism (Westminster University)

• MA Social Policy (Brunel University)

• Postgraduate social work qualification (Brunel University - CQSW)

• BA (hons) in Social Administration (University of Nottingham)

Current teaching

Short courses on ethics, memoir and life writing. Research ethics for doctoral candidates and other postgraduates since 2012.  

Professional activities

Previous employment as: a journalist, PR/media manager, access consultant, social and community worker.

• Published in Penguin, Virago and Gold Room anthologies.

• Journalism in national and international online/print news and feature outlets.

• Shortlist: Press Gazette online student journalist of the year.

• Longlist: Mslexia memoir competition. (2014)

Special Mentions: Life Writing Prize Goldsmiths and Spread The Word. (2017/20)

Featured presentations

The Ethics and Politics of Writing Lives roundtable. Teaching Life Writing Conference University of Alberta, Canada. (online December 2020)

Truth, Empathy and Ethics roundtable. NonfictioNOW. University of Iceland. (2017)

Negotiated Truths seminar presenter. Open University’s Contemporary Cultures of Writing Research Group in partnership with the Institute of English Studies. Senate House, University of London.(2016)

Copyright and the Future of Digital Creativity panel. CREATe Festival, RSA (Royal Society for the encouragement of Arts, Manufactures and Commerce) London. (2016)

Personal and Public Lives panel paper on Shame. Excavating Lives, IABA (International AutoBiography Association) conference. University of Cyprus. (2016)

Life Writing and/as Empathy paper. Symposium on Narrative emotions. University of Navarra, Spain. (2015)

Consent and creative non-fiction conference: creativity panel. Goldsmiths. (2015)

Critical: Literary criticism conference. Consent and life writing paper. University of East Anglia, London. (2012)

Ethics and life writing paper. Postgraduate education conference. Goldsmiths. (2012)

Short courses on ethics, memoir and life writing. Research ethics for doctoral candidates and other postgraduates since 2012.